Bits and Pieces of Me

Lots of things I just don't understand
You know, there are a lot of things out there in the big world that I just don't understand. I am sure that there are things, lots of things, happening every minute of the day that I don't even know exist let alone understand them. But I am going to take one for the rest of the female and even the male population here and say this:

YOU JUST DON'T USE 'I LOVE YOU' LIKE IT IS A PLAIN OLD ORDINARY TERM LIKE 'HI' OR 'EXCUSE ME' THAT YOU CAN JUST TOSS ABOUT AND THEN DO SOMETHING INCREDIBLY FUCKING IGNORANT THAT TOTALLY GOES AGAINST THE PHRASE THAT YOU JUST HAD THE GODDAMN NERVE TO UTTER TO ME WITH THAT BEAUTIFUL FUCKING MOUTH OF YOURS!

What the hell? I mean seriously folks, what the hell? How did loving someone, I mean really loving someone turn into such a joke that it can just be tossed about and then you turn around and stick your tongue down someone else's throat two FUCKING minutes later when the I LOVE YOU is still on your lips???????????????

What the hell is it???? Are there certain women out there that ATTRACT men that do this? Am I magnetic? What the fuck?

I am not shocked by this, hurt, or even astounded.....just plain fed the fuck up. You know love, if you goddamn mean it, should mean more than the three fucking seconds that it takes to utter the three word phrase. We live in a world where love has levels of diversity that nobody could have grasped two years ago, and I get that. I don't care if you are polyamorous, monogomous, or you just like to say I love you to yourself in a dark fucking room with chocolate spread on your loins...HAVE THE BALLS TO MEAN IT!!!!!!

*sigh*

You know this goes back to a thought I had a long time ago: Maybe my expectations in the people that I know and love are too damn high. Right now, that is so feeling like the correct damn answer.

No, this isn't pointed at anyone that reads this LJ. Just a rant that needed to be ranted.

*goes to bed disgusted at the world*

Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: The sound of gnashing teeth

Winter in the South
Apparently consists of one hell of a lot more rain than I remember it consisting of when I used to live here. It has bloody well rained more here in the winter than it did in the spring..isn't that incredibly strange? I must admit all this rain, when I am used to seeing snow outside on the ground, has threatened to depress me. But I am fighting it, the rain makes me a little melancholy now, maybe that will change when I fully adjust to this climate again, or at least I hope so anyway.

The kids stayed home from school again today and I got like no sleep last night because they were both ill with the stomach flu or some stomach virus. I was planning to do this huge update, but I am just too damn tired right now folks.

I hope that everyone that reads this is doing well, and I hope to speak to you all soon.

Love and kisses,

Linda

Long time.....
Hey All,

I don't have forever to post something but I wanted to seeing as its been a month since I posted anything. We made it through the Christmas season and the New Year just fine. I had a flare up of my crohn's which has now apparently moved up into my upper digestive tract, my docs are not happy. And if they aren't happy imagine how pissed off I am about it since I am the one with the damned disease. I have lots of doc appointments this month and next for what I am sure will be loads of long, boring, and disgusting tests that I will loathe.

I have pneumonia as well, to top things off, because I am back on steroids for my disease and they kill my already non-existant immune system to death.

The kids are wonderful, although worried about me, and I am trying very hard just to live as normal a life as possible right now.

I love you all, I hope that you are well, and I miss you.

Love,

Linda

A long Saturday
I had a long day today, at this point all the work I got done is a huge blur. Between Friday and Saturday I managed to get all the rest of my Christmas decorating done, at last. I did like six loads of laundry including all the bed stuff so that we could all sleep in fresh clean sheets tonight. I put boxes away, took out trash, and moved things from one room to the other just so things wouldn't look so out of place around here. I hope that I can take the day off tomorrow, I have a baby blanket to finish for little Brooklyn and it won't take me long to do it, and that way I can mail out all her stuff to her on Monday. Since she is over a month early, Michael and Karen are feeling very unprepared right now. The baby is doing wonderfully, at this point the only thing that qualifies her as a premature baby is her weight. Looks like she will be going home with her mom instead of having to spend any extra time in the hospital. :)

Only a week and a half of school left in, and boy do the kids know it. They can sense it, smell it on the wind, Christmas break is almost here. I have a huge pile of things to wrap, if I don't get started on that soon I won't have time to finish it before the holidays are here. I have a big dinner to plan too as everyone from the family is eating here at my house this year. That means feeding twelve people if everyone shows up.

All in all folks, I feel like today was very productive. I hope everyone else had a great weekend too.

Oh and Ryan dear, if you are reading this, Happy Birthday! I tried tracking you down on messenger on Friday to send my wishes to you, but you weren't on. Love you babes.

Love,

Linda

Great things come in small packages!
Welcome to the world Brooklyn Marie Delcour!!!
4 pounds 5 ounces, 19 and 1/4 inches long
Born at three p.m this evening to Karen and Michael Delcour!

:)

Current Mood: jubilant

Tough week.
Hello all,

I hope you are all doing well, this has been a pretty emotional week for me this week and for those that I love most dearly. My best friend Karen is in the hospital with severe pre-eclampsia, she and her baby are in danger right now, they are attempting to deliver the baby six weeks premature. She has been given steroids to strengthen her lungs, but the doctors cannot push Karen to labor too hard since it will cause bad things to happen with the pre-eclampsia. I am thinking of her, the baby, and her poor husband Michael all the time, and I hope that if you read this you will send some positive energy and prayers her way since she is the sweetest person on the whole entire earth.

I went to a funeral today, cooked food for the family, and did everything that I could to help them as they went through the painful final days with their loved one that had passed on. I know the family well, and love them dearly, and my heart hurts for them so deeply right now.

I am just tired, and melancholy. Instead of doing the usual energized cannot wait for Christmas thing, I find myself with the winter blues...it is probably because I miss the snow and all it has done here is rain for a week with more rain in the forecast.

I don't even have all my decorations up yet, which is unheard of for me. I am always the first one done, but in this new house I have no idea where to put thins and I move them a thousand times before I am happy with where I put them. *laughs*

The kidlings are doing well, excited that Christmas is upon them. They are doing their first round of dibbles testing before Christmas break, and I know that they are going to totally rock them.

I am going to be fine though, and I love you all.

Love,

Linda

Current Mood: sad

A Silent House...
Hello All,

First off I hope that all of you are doing well and recovering from your Thanksgiving Day feasts. Things went lovely for us here, with a lot of good food, and even better time spent with those that we love very much. Today was spent at the local Christmas tree farm with my little ones hunting down the "perfect Christmas tree." A hunt that we most enjoy every year at the same time. We ran around and looked at every single tree in the entire place (and this was no small tree farm folks), proof that you should never give a five and seven year old that much variety. After what seemed like hours, and actually was, we settled on an eight foot monster that is indeed perfect. They shook it out, trimmed it up, and bagged it. We got it loaded and brought it home, where I waited with closed eyes to see if it was actually going to fit in the livingroom or be too large. I tell you, there isn't more than a half centimeter between my angel's head and the ceiling, but it fit. After a hearty lunch we attacked with ornaments in hand and three or so hours later we came out with many empty boxes and a beautifully decorated tree. Its a hodge podge of memories all jumbled together and hanging on the branches of the evergreen wonder that we brought home today. Christmas is a wonderful time, but also a time when I seem to revisit those that I have loved and lost over the years so I am a little melancholy tonight. All in all it was a very good day, and now as the house lies silent and the kids are all snuggled asleep in bed I can take the time to say thank you to all those that have touched my life over the years, the ones that I miss the most, the ones that I will always love, and I will always hold their memories close to my heart.

Love,

Linda

*rubs full tummy*
To everyone out there, Happy Thanksgiving. The kids are stuffed and so am I, and bed time is near for us all. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and travel safely back to your homes when you leave.

Love,

Linda

Happy Thanksgiving
Hello Dears, and a Happy Thanksgiving to you all! Things are good here, I am busy beyond belief getting ready for tomorrow like most of the rest of the population of America today. I just wanted to make sure to send my love to you all, tell anyone travelling anywhere to be safe, and to send my wishes for a wonderful holiday. I will most likely not be online again until Saturday here, but I couldn't let the holiday pass by without saying hello.

Ah well, I have tons of desserts to get ready and they certainly aren't going to make themselves at all.

Love,

Linda

We're off to see the wizard!
Yep, I'm being a smart ass this morning...I am not off to see any wizard, just my new crohn's doctor. I hate new doctors, and I have been through this enough to have a very valid opinion. Starting off with a new doctor is not unlike starting off with a new lover, without the sex. LOL You have to tell them your entire life story, they have to learn to trust you and vice versa. It is a time consuming process that I feel entirely too old for this morning. I am hoping that this new doctor is brilliant and does not give me the "you're too young to be this ill." routine this morning. I am beyond tired with the whole entire sick thing. I don't want to be sick anymore. There comes a point in your life when you ge tired of the pitying looks when you feel your worst, tired of the looks that say I am undeserving because I don't "look" ill enough, and I am tired, so tired of the doctor-patient relationship.

I know that I should be thankful that I am still alive at this point in my disease, and God knows I am everyday. But there are times like today, when the dance must be danced when all I want to do is sit in the corner and rest awhile.

Part of my dread comes from the fact that since I moved I've already had one flare. Which for me can only mean one thing, there is something growing again in my intestines that is inflaming and blocking off things. That means surgery, unless they can find a miracle drug to put me on, besides the steriods that I am back on, that will take down the inflammation and manage it well.

I have thus far tried every drug that my other doctors had at their disposals for the treatment of this disease. None of them worked, I was either allergic to them, or the drug itself was ineffective or too unsafe to leave me on long term.

I'm just tired folks, like I need a long rest that is nowhere on the horizon. I have not been handling my nerves well at all, which is why I may talk to the doctor today and see if there is some kind of medication they can put me on for that itself.

All in all, I will update later to let all concerned know how it goes today. I love you all, I have to go get in the shower and get ready.

Love,

Linda

Current Mood: exhausted

Sickened
Happily, the stomach flu has abated, the kids went back to school and are both doing well. Everyone who reads my journal knows that I am a mom and that I have two beautiful sons, so I am going to talk to you about something that hit home with me the other night. It was Friday, and my kids went to bed early, I flipped on the TV out of boredom and came across Datline NBC. I started to watch it, the topic was Internet Predators. Let me tell you folks, if you are a parent and you didn't see it you need to be catching the re-run, or buying a copy of it because I truly know now what kind of sick assholes this world is filled with. The set up for the show was that a group called Perverted-Justice that uses adults that pose as children on the web to catch pedophiles and predators in the act of soliciting. They talked to and set up meetings with men all day long, and they showed up, I am talking about respectable men in pretty damn high powered position. There were army and navy officers, teachers, principals, and even a Rabbi. The people at at perverted justice publish the photos, contact information, and logs of the conversations on their website. If you are reading this and you want to know what the real world out there is like for a child under the age of 18, I urge you to visit their site and warn others to visit their site. http://www.perverted-justice.com/

On that note, I need a shower, and I need to try and get to a warm place so that I don't have to think about what I read on there anymore.

Love,

Linda

Current Mood: nauseated

Stomach Flu Bad.
I haven't been online because I have been sick as a dog. Something I picked up at the school whilst volunteering I suspect. My kiddos are sick now, so I don't have anytime to devote to the computer. Gotta make sure that they are well take care of and that they get better soon.

Love you all, keep us in your thoughts, I am really tired right now.

Love,
Linda

Being a Room Mom is not for Pussies.....
Hello All,

I know I haven't posted in over two weeks and I know that none of you have had the pleasure of seeing me on messenger either. I also realize that I haven't emailed anyone in a long freaking time, but I have good reasons for all this non-communication. I am up to my eyeballs at my kid's school with Fall Festival, this is an organized school thing where the PTA has a chance to make tons of cash to put towards buying stuff like computers for the kids and new books for the library. I am all for school fundraising so I have spent like everyday for the last two weeks there when I wasn't working part of the time helping some folks with their computer system. It also leaves me no time for my computer at home, I have been able to cook dinner, help do homework, bathe kiddos, and put them to bed. There hasn't been a lot of time inbetween for other stuff at all.

I love you all, this was just to let you know that I am not dead.

Love and kisses,

Linda

Taking the weekend off.
Hello everyone, I just wanted to update and post a little something before we take off out of here for the weekend. We are going camping, the boys are in Scouts so it is off to the wilderness with us. We wanted to get in at least a few camp outs over the next few weeks before it gets too cold here to do it comfortably. The boys are really looking forward to it as well. I need the break honestly to unwind. I have too many irons in the fire and not enough time off to chill out lately. It is making me rather high strung and cranky.

The woods will be the perfect peaceful place to hide out and just let my mind relax a little. I hope that everyone out there is doing okay, and I hope you can escape a little yourselves.

Love,

Linda

Hello there my darlins :)
I thought I would update since I am up late with a tummy ache from hell. :( How is everyone? Things here seem to be humming along nicely thus far. The kids should be getting their first report card in about a week and a half which I fully expect to rock. They are looking forward to Halloween and I really am too, we already have pretty much all the external decorations up and most of the interior ones too. This house could be so creepy looking with the old log home look and the big porches and long eerie drive way thing going on. Next we shop for pumpkins to carve for the inside and outside. Can't wait!

Fall is here, and I have to say that I love the cooler weather. The down side of fall and winter in the south is the amount of rain that we get. It rained here literally all day friday and most of thursday as well. And this is just the start of the rainy season. I am hoping that it holds off tomorrow as the kids and I have planned a picnic and a hile in the local state park if all goes well. I will take some pictures, as I always do, and send out a few to special folks. :)

It is actually cool enough here to wrap up in a sweater or a quilt if you want to sit outside in the early morning or the late evening. I spent most of the first two days of this last week helping to chop down trees on a neighbor's property and load said chopped wood into a truck to carry it back to my house. I have two fireplaces and I can't wait until it gets cold enough to use them. :)

It is going to be a busy rest of the month, I have two parties to assist throwing for the special needs kids at the elementary and High school, a party for my kiddos at home to plan, costumes to get ready, a fall festival at the school, and I also need to help the bys get their pine derby cars in shape for cubscouts. *laughs* And that is only a little slice of the rest of my month.

I hope that everyone is doing well, I miss the lot of you and I know that we can't always get together and play catch up, but please know that you are all missed very much as always.

Love and Kisses

Linda

Current Mood: content

Oooh, pretty!
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Fall in on the way, apparently.
I worked outside most of the day today, I have a craft shop now and I didn't do anything to it when we first moved in but filled it full and shut the doors to wait on the cooler weather to come so I could sort it all out in some comfort. It wasn't really cool today, but I was restless and wanted very much to start working on decorating for Halloween, so I went out after the kids got onto the school bus this morning and didn't stop working on it until it was done around three this afternoon. I sit here now all scrubbed clean from the shower, having earned some time in my comfy chair with something cool to drink. If today didn't teach me anything, it taught me this: I have way too much craft stuff that I don't want to get rid of, and Fall is coming.

Normally the sight of the first fallen leaf is enough to send me into cartwheeling bouts of happiness, you see, I love the fall. I always have. It means many things to me, and always brings back a rush of memories, some old and some not. My yard is full of leaves, some that Katrina shook off in her desperate attempt to uproot everything that grows, but now each day a tiny bit more have fallen from the trees themselves and added themselves to the piles. I really knew it was fall when I woke up this morning and heard the acorns dropping from the trees and making that 'ping!' sound on the roof. I get to hear all of this since my bedroom is at the apex of the top of the house. It is wonderful when it rains, sounds like you are out in it minus the wetness. My most peaceful sleep comes when the rain is falling.

I have to admit that I find myself a bit sad and melancholy this year, I miss my friends in Missouri, one in particular. Right now she too is faced with Halloween without me there, and feels that it sucks too. She has kids, so she must sally forth along with me, but it still sucks.

Anyhoo all, I love you, I am going to go rest and drink some more to replenish my fluids.

Love,

Linda

Current Mood: content

*yawners*
Hello Loves,

I am on my way to bed, it is only by some miracle that this message is being posted because at this point I am so tired and so unable to work up the energy to even climb the stairs to my bed that it isn't even funny. Today was work on the inside of the house, which was a disaster, I am much pleased with it now though since working on it from five this morning until about twenty minutes ago when I stumbled to my computer to check my email. I will not bother listing the insane amount of stuff that I did today because thinking about it makes me even more tired and close to not willing to get up in the morning out of pure protest. The children must to school, so I must to bed and awake. *laughs* Anyhoo it was pure pleasure to sweep, dust, and scrub most of the insanity that has filled our lives as of late after Katrina in one afternoon, this much I can say. Tomorrow, the yard God help me and maybe my life can get back on some semblance of whatever normal I had before this one. Good God my trees got destroyed, there are some that must come down partially, and some in their entirety. I have one of those tree trimmer persons coming over to give me the dreaded "estimate" Which, I do not want to see and would rather avoid much like the plague. The kids are doing wonderfully, I don't think I wrote anything about the big gift that we got Christopher for his seventh birthday. He loves sharks, so we got him a thrity gallon aquarium and have since filled it to the brim with the freshwater equivalent of sharks, some beautiful colorful fish, and one gorgeous blue crayfish. All living happily in their very bubbly home. He loves it and stares at it for hours at a time. I want so badly to take him to Minnesota and the Mall of the Americas this next year over the summer as an early birthday bash kind of thing. They actually have sleep over tours where you can sleep in the seaquarium area and the sharks swim overhead all night long. All in all, not much more past work and some bleeding blisters on my palms from the sheer hard work I accomplished. I love you guys, I have to get some sleep, more later.

Love,

Linda

Current Mood: exhausted

No sleep for the weary...
Hello dear friends,

I went to bed like three hours ago, and here it is one in the morning and I am online posting to my journal because I cannot manage to get tired enough to go to sleep. I'm home again folks, came back yesterday, I was coming prepared to pack some things (if anything was left) and go back to stay with friends but it didn't happen that way. Things here aren't pristine by any means, the storm laid waste to some of the trees in my yard, the two sheds outside will need some work, my home security system is whacked out and in need of some repairs, and there are shingles off my roof. Honestly, it isn't anything that cannot be fixed and I have no right to complain, I geel very lucky to have a house that is in one pretty solid peace and not filled to the windows with water. I live on high ground (for Louisiana anyway) and the property has excellent drainage, I didn't even wind up with water in the basement, more is the miracle. I have people coming over starting monday to start giving me estimates, assistance, and help in fixing things here. I am trying to look at the uprooted trees in a good way: I have two fireplaces, and these will be the trees that feed them through the winter as desired. The kids are happy to be home, and are looking forward to returning to school, which is open and working. There is a lot of relief effort in our little town, we are apparently the closest town to the damage that sustained minor damage itself and is therefore workable. I have seen like twenty feeding areas set up for those that are still here or homeless. I have avoided in all ways going to New Orleans, they don't need me there gawking while the removal of people is coming to a head. I returned home when I knew the looting was under control, another thing that we seem to have been skipped by, thank God. All in all, I look forward to rolling up my sleeves and getting some things done to make this our nice safe home again. I will as always keep you all posted, I am taking my meds like a good girl until the doctors have something to say or do with me. I will keep you all posted to that as well.

All my love,

Linda

Current Mood: drained

Once more with feeling...
Hello all, I am sitting here listening to Hurricane Katrina as she rips branches from my trees and flings them in all directions possible, not a good night for sleeping obviously. The worst of the storm just mowed down Louisiana, we are much more fortunate than those closest to the Big Easy. I have prayed all day for those in the path of the storm, and for the city that I love to endure the wrath of this she bitch with dignity. Around one in the afternoon, I heard that the New Orleans Superdome was losing roof, to think of that gargantuan bowing to the winds of this storm broke my heart. My heart goes out to all those homeless tonight and to the families of those that were lost in the devestation. Other than the weather outside, I sit here with my body the traitor and want very much to argue outloud with it. It has been three years since my last very extensive, life threatening/changing surgery due to crohn's disease. For three years I have lived flare free. I have been a good girl, taken all my meds, made all my appointments, and even managed to lessen the stress in my life in a huge way by moving. But it isn't enough. I sit here with a traitor in my midst and I am powerless to stop the events that have been set forth. I had an attack the other night, a bad one, one that landed me in the emergency room. I am loaded full of pain killers and steroids as they try to head off what is already happening. I have another stricture, which means surgery AGAIN. and more healing time, AGAIN. And I freaking hate this, AGAIN!!!!!
My hands are tied, and the squeaky wheels have already started turning to tests and the poking and prodding, which I detest. But it has to be done, and as long as I keep reminding myself of that and manage to stay sane I will be doing good.
I just hate this, hate the whole ever loving thing, I don't want to be freaking sick anymore. I am tired of putting others through it and I am tired of going there myself.
Update wise, I am not much in the mood for the small particulars of my day to day stupidity and I will probably message more when I know more about what the hell is wrong with me now.

Trying not to get blown away,

Linda

Current Mood: aggravated

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